Mystic Ricardo

Mystic Ricardo

Taurus

The bull is raging this month as the moon is full. Remember to stay calm, try and avoid supermarkets and elderly people to do this


Pisces

The fish, mm fish and chips, this horoscope writing makes me hungry…anyway this month will be a lucky month for all Pisces out there, remember to buy lottery tickets this month, it could be you (Copyright Camelot).

Leo

Raaargh! Im a lion!! Yet its time to show your softer side to friends and work colleagues, maybe arrange a lovely picnic in the park, or perhaps just get a round in at the pub, yes this is an excuse for all Leos to go to the pub.

Gemini

The band Gemini once got ‘nul points’ in Eurovision. Avoid this in your life by working hard, particularly in the library. That’s not an excuse to sit on facebook.

Libra

So when it comes to sun and fun and goodness in the jungle, they all
prefer the sunny funny one they call Um Bongo! Probably best to avoid soft drinks this month Librans, stick to tap water.

Scorpio

You will be full of strength and power this month, just like the ex-Gladiator of the same name. Use this power to good use such as carrying friends home after a night out.


Cancer

Rhythm is a dancer, it’s a source of cancer sang Snap, and wise words they were too. Try and dance as much as possible this month, especially in lectures.


Virgo

John Virgo was known for his dulcet tones and trick shots, but don’t be tricked this month by and friends or colleagues, stay alert, and you can pocket a fortune.


Aquarius

This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius sang the famous song, but not this month. The crossing of Mars and the Moon means its best to stay in and watch Homes under the Hammer for a bit, that work can wait.


Capricorn

Plan ahead Capricorners and Capriconesses, I assume this is the term for you I don’t really know about star signs. Christmas is just around the corner so get into those pound shops and get buying presents!





Sagittarius

The positioning of the moon in the sky means it will be dark in the evening. Don’t be alarmed by the darkness, bring light into your life by putting on that lamp next to your sofa.


Aries

Knock knock, Who’s there? Aries, Aries who? Aries a reason I talk like this! Avoid bad jokes this month


Remember, if you wish to know more about your star sign this this month, ring my hotline on 08918343838 calls are charged at £85 per minute

RATZILLA IS AMONGST YOU!

RAZTILLA COMES TO BRADFORD

It was the summer when the national media were to descend on Bradford, reporting of fear on the streets, with residents scared to leave their houses No I’m not writing about the English Defence League’s tedious little strop around the city centre at he beginning of the month, but the shocking story of rodents of a different variety-the super-rats which were allegedly plaguing the Ravenscliffe Estate, or to give them their official tabloid name…RATZILLAS!!

Yes on what must have been a quiet news day at the Sun, the paper led with a story of how MONSTER 2 ½ FEET RATS (the Sun sure like putting words into capitals FOR NO REASON!) were roaming around the Ravenscliffe, even appearing in the houses of locals. Indeed, some residents had claimed to have seen a giant rat in their lounge, though allegations Piers Morgan was on the TV at the time could not be confirmed.

According to the Sun, these super rats were said to have come from South America, disappointing England manager Fabio Capello, who had hoped to call up the rats to replace Frank Lampard.

The article explained how local resident Brandon Goddard and his friends shot one of the super rats after arming themselves with a shotgun and baseball bats and going ratting, proof that they are one neighbourhood watch group you wouldn’t like to get into an argument with! As proof of the capture of the RATZILLA, a blurry photo was provided which in truth could have easily been a cat! However, the Sun accompanied this picture with the caption ‘rat in me kitchen’, showing that in 2010 it’s never too late for a UB40 related pun, despite the fortunate disappearance of Ali Campbell and co from our airwaves about 15 years ago.

Yet before you decide to pack your bags and head away from the city of Bradford, for fear of having your late night kebab stolen by a 6ft monster rat, doubts were soon to be cast on the validity of these super rats. Indeed Dennis Shipway, head of pest control at Bradford Council was extremely sceptical, suggesting that no reports of any larger than normal rodents had been made to the council, followed by a number of denials from local residents about ever seeing a giant rat. This appeared to suggest that the Sun’s exclusive should perhaps not be taken so much with a pinch of salt but more with a whole salt mine! The best quote was from a local resident who said that the Sun must have got mixed up between Ravenscliffe and nearby Ravensthorpe-suggesting that if in doubt, blame it on Dewsbury!